Dan Coughlin's Acceleration Blog

Difficult Conversations

Whether it's at work or home, there's not much in life that is more difficult than having difficult conversations. These are the conversations where you have to discuss an issue with someone you live with or work with that neither of you really want to discuss.

Problems with Avoiding Difficult Conversations

1. The issues fester and grow more irritating for you.

2. What you are not discussing actually becomes bigger and worse than the actual issue.

3. A lack of trust builds up between you and the other person and spreads to other people, especially if one of you is talking about the issue with other people.

Benefits of Having Difficult Conversations

1. You get to clear the air between the two of you.

2. You uncover what the other person's perspective really is.

3. You have a chance to build a stronger relationship in the future.

Nine Steps to Having a Difficult Conversation

1. Genuine Caring and Respect. Your face can't fake what your mind is thinking and your heart is feeling. If you don't respect the other person and you don't care about him or her, then don't try to have a difficult conversation. It will make things worse. Identify in your mind why you care about this person and why you respect him or her enough to be honest.

2. Timing. In the midst of a crisis is not the time to have a difficult conversation, even if you had a scheduled meeting with the person. Be sensitive to the factors swirling around the potential conversation. If the person is clearly worn out, then ask when would be a better time.

3. Privacy. Never have a difficult conversation in front of other people. Go to a private space where the two of you can talk without anyone seeing your facial expressions or overhearing your comments.

4. Two-Way Tact. Lack of tact is a game killer in these situations. And that goes for both individuals. If the person shares how he or she felt, and you say, "You're being too sensitive," you've just ruined the moment. Don't tell people they are "too anything." That's your opinion, not a fact. Instead listen for understanding, and make sure your words and your non-verbals demonstrate that you really are listening.

5. Honesty Based on Observed Behaviors. Now we're getting down to the meat and potatoes. Say, "This is what I saw happen, and this is what I felt. I saw ___, and consequently I felt ____ . What are your thoughts on that situation?" Or if you didn't see it, but you've heard what happened several times, you could say, "I did not see you say this. However, several people have now relayed these comments to me. So rather than wondering whether they're true or not, I just want to talk with you about the situation. Is that what you said?" If the person says it is correct, then you could say, "Ok, based on those comments, this is how I felt. What are your thoughts?" Now you've initiated the difficult conversation, and the two of you can begin to work toward resolving the underlying issues. Notice how this is far more effective than letting the situation grow larger and larger in your mind.

6. Clarity. Avoid the temptation to talk in vague terms. Instead be very clear about what you saw or what you've heard, and how it made you feel. That's it. Don't tell the other person he or she is wrong or evil. Simply state your point of view, and then let the other person respond.

7. Time Frame. You want an opportunity to have a relaxed, candid, and open conversation, not a rushed, in-your-face-and-out-the-door conversation. Establish a large enough time frame for your conversation so you can get your ideas on the table and the other person can get his or her ideas and feelings on the table. And then build in a little extra time so you two can wind down the conversation in a relaxed mode. Rushing these conversations can ruin not only your day, but also the day of the other person and the day of all the people you two will interact with.

8. Openness to Response. When you open up and let another person know about a situation that bothered you, be genuinely open to listening while the other person shares a situation that bothered him or her. Don't become defensive. Simply listen to what the other person has to say, and consider it. Don't run off and tell other people. Just consider it.

9. Follow-Up Conversation. At the end of the difficult conversation, schedule a time to meet with the person again within two weeks to discuss the issues one more time. Having one difficult conversation is not going to resolve the issue, or the feelings you both have. Get together again and discuss how you both feel.

Pockets of Time

Question: How can you create more time in the day?

Short answer: You can't.

You get 24 hours just like everyone else. So how can you get more done in one day than the vast majority of other people? Here's some suggestions:

Pocket of Time #1: Write in bullet point format what you want to get done over the next three days. That way you have it in front of you at all times. One list on one sheet of paper. Put down family stuff, personal stuff, friend stuff, and work stuff.

Pocket of Time #2: Complete a task, and then move on. Don't start a task, move to another task, then move to another task. Stay focused on one task at a time and complete it.

Pocket of Time #3: Travel with what you need to get things done. If you want to read a book, have it with you at all times. If you want to write a report, keep your computer with you. When a little time opens up for you, whittle your projects down.

Pocket of Time #4: Avoid employee cafeterias. By far the biggest time waster I've ever fallen into was the teacher's lounge when I used to be a teacher. We would eat up 30-45 minutes a day talking about nothing. I finally hid in the school library and read like a demon.

Pocket of Time #5: Work from home if at all possible. Why more companies don't encourage working from home is beyond me. Instead of travel time and getting dressed time and parking time, you're now investing that time into enhancing performance and productivity. If you don't trust your employees to actually do their work, then that's another issue. But having them travel to the office isn't going to enhance that trust and it is going to eat up time.

Pocket of Time #6: The more breaks you take, the more you get done. It sounds crazy, but you increase productivity by getting away from your desk and your work. Focus for 75 minutes and then take a break. When meetings drone on for three hours without a break, it's amazing to watch the focus and attention fall apart.

Pocket of Time #7: Exercise. Get the juices flowing. With that increase in energy, you will get more done in less time.

Pocket of Time #8: Read books and magazines that inspire you. It's like doing mental exercises. Again, more positive juice helps you move quicker.

Pocket of Time #9: Don't belabor the project. When you're done, you're done. Move on to something else. Perfectionism is a pain in the butt because there ain't no such thing as perfect. Focus on better, not perfect.

Pocket of Time #10: Check your to-do list frequently. You wrote that out for a reason. Keep it in front of you.

Personal Dymanics are Important, Group Dynamics are More Important

Personal dynamics include your level of fitness, ability to articulate a message, ability to manage priorities, sense of humor, ability to get things done, level of creativity, and self-confidence.

Group dynamics include the ability to hear each other's ideas, discuss those ideas, develop better solutions through collaboration than existed simply through competitiion, and the ability to move forward as a group in accomplishing a plan.

Executives are usually hired because they have great personal dynamics. They dress well, they are intelligent and articulate, they remain calm under pressure, and so on. However, one of the great ironies of executivs is that the real key to success as an executive is to be a master of group dynamics. It's the ability to engage people's minds and get them discussing how to improve the business and how to work together to implement that plan that leads to far more success than great personal dynamics.

Here's one suggestion: Start every interaction with a group of people with a question, and get them talking to each other. Before you know it, they have developed some powerful solutions.

Complete Brevity

One sentence does not constitute an organizational strategy. Neither does a binder filled with 100 pages. You can provide a comprehensive explanation in 2-3 pages. Notice the goal: be brief AND complete.

Annoying communications usually fall into one of two categories: either so ridiculously brief that the recipient has no idea what to do with the information, or so ridiculously long that the other person gives up and walks away.

Provide clarity. Answer the obvious questions of what you are trying to say, why you are saying it, and what you hope other people will do with the input.

Be comprehensive. Have you provided your complete message? Read it over and see if it is complete. If it is not complete, does it provide directions as to where the person can gain the missing information?

Provide brevity. Read it over again. Can it be shortened and still retain its clarity?

The Acceleration Movement

It dawned on me this weekend that one of my biggest dreams for the future, with the future beginning right now, is to be part of The Acceleration Movement.  This is not a movement that you have to sign up for or get registered to do. Each of us joins the movement through our actions, both in terms of being a model of acceleration and in helping others to accelerate.

Defining Acceleration

At a book signing event in Washington, DC this weekend, I was asked, "What do you mean by acceleration?" I replied, "To me, acceleration means increasing the rate of achieving sustainable improvement in desired outcomes. In other words, when a person is accelerating he or she is performing at a higher level, getting better results, and doing so in a way that is sustainable over the long term."

Then as I was flying back home I thought about my answer. It dawned on me that this answer was the same one I gave when I was a college soccer coach and a high school math teacher. The activities of coaching soccer and teaching math were simply the mediums I used to help people understand how they could achieve better sustainable results in all areas of their life.

Models of Acceleration

The day before I went to DC I saw my first-grade soccer coach, Mr. Jim Nolan, at a book signing event in St. Louis.  Seeing him reminded me of the impact he had on my life in teaching me how to accelerate. And then I put all of these thoughts together. There are people all around the world who are serving as exemplars and/or teachers on how to acclerate. My voice is not THE voice of The Acceleration Movement, but rather A voice in The Acceleration Movement.

Today what can you do to be a model of acceleration?

Today what can you do to help another person learn how to accelerate?

Your Way

I'm reading a great book called, "Leading By Design: The IKEA Story." I'm also reading another very good book called, "The Apple Way." A friend called last night and has an extra copy of "The HP Way." Do you see a pattern here?

The great organizations have clarified a way, a path, for their employees to follow, which can lead to sustainable, profitable growth. What is your organization's way, what is its path that employees can follow day after day. There's still room for creativity and innovation and decision-making and leadership within any given way. However, when employees understand the path, the recipe, the overall strategy on what to do, then they can decide how to do it. Here's a template that may help you clarify your organization's way:

Dan Coughlin’s

Strategic Storytelling Template

Which of the following is your primary strategic driver?

(Circle one.)

1. What I sell.
2. How I sell.
3. How I distribute.
4. The source of the value of what I sell.
5. The size and growth of my organization.
6. The revenues and profits I generate.

Strategy – the story that largely determines the type of your organization you have and the direction in which it is going.

Practice stating your answers until you can tell them

as a fluid and compelling story where each piece

supports the rest of the story in a realistic manner.

Output Questions

1. We want our organization to achieve the following financial objectives (Financial):

2. Our desired customers are (Customer Segmentation):

3. We want each of our desired customers to achieve the following

(Customer Outcomes):

4. We want our brand to be recognized as (Brand):

Input Questions

5. The value our organization will deliver is (Value Proposition):

6. Our organization will deliver this value in the following ways (Operations):

7. The type of talent our employees need to deliver this value is

(Talent Management):

8. The skills our employees need to develop to deliver the desired customer value (Professional Development):

9. The types of suppliers we need to deliver this value are (Resources):

10. The way we can use technology to deliver this value is (Technology):

11. The way the people in our organization need to behave consistently is (Culture and Values):

For each question, what short phrase could describe our answer?

For each question, what is our objective and what is our measurement going to be?

What parameters does our story operate within?

What issues need to be resolved in order to make this story a reality?

What investments do we need to make to make this story a reality?

Where do we need to stop spending money?

Where are we trying to do too much in this story?

Barack Obama

Every once in a while a person pops up above the masses and catches our collective attention. Barack Obama clearly falls in that category. From the night of his speech to the Democratic National Convention in 2004, his fame has accelerated. As of this writing, we don't know what lies ahead. He might be president, he might have a long career as a senator, or he might get out of politics and be a professional speaker, or he might do something else.

Whatever happens, his example has been a powerful reminder about the old saying, "Luck is what happens when opportunity intersects with preparation." Speaking to the Democratic National Convention was a great opportunity, but he had prepared himself for that moment for many years. In that moment, the world learned about his skills and ideas, but he had those skills and ideas long before he spoke.

How can you prepare yourself better today for the opportunities you want?

How can you increase your chances of getting the opportunities you want?

One Thing

What was your one thing today?

What one new person did you begin to build a relationship with that could enhance your career or improve results for your organization? What one new idea did you learn today? What one effective action did you take today to resolve a long-term problem? What one opportunity did you proactively pursue? What one thing did you do today to enhance your physical or mentall fitness? What one thing did you today for one of your customers?

It just takes one thing.

One thing I did today was to buy a new fax machine. It's not a big thing, but I now have a fax machine that works. One thing I did today was to give a free speech to fifteen people. It's not a big thing, but I was immediately referred to another person who called me to speak to 250 people. One thing I did today was to read three pages in a new book about Barack Obama. It's not a big thing, but there were some powerful insights I would not have learned if I had not read it.

Do one thing each day. That's 365 things a year. 3650 things a decade. And more than 21,000 things in a lifetime. Just one thing at a time.

The Power of Interviewing Employees

Five months ago I started working with a 14-member team responsible for a large not-for-profit organization. My first step was to interview each person to find out their perspective on how the organization was doing. This allowed me to understand some of the key issues that needed to be addressed and the strengths that needed to be built on.

Today with one month to go in the project, I interviewed all 14 again. It helped me to understand the progress that has been made and the work that needs to be done.

In your organization, interview all your team members at least twice a year. Ask broad questions like, "What do you think is working well in terms of our effectiveness as a group, what is not working well, and what do you think could make us more effective?" Explain that you may or may not be able to implement their ideas, but that you are working to understand the lay of the land. Then let the group know what is going to happen based on their feedback.

It's just a simple way to stay in touch with reality.

Back to the Future

Last week I had two book signing events in Chicago on Thursday and Saturday. So I took the middle day to be with my great friend, Jeff Hutchison. We went back to the neighborhood we lived in twenty years ago. In August 1987 I was named the head soccer coach at DePaul University. I had just been named the NAIA Coach of the Year for the state of Indiana for 1986 when I built a soccer program and in two years took it to the district finals. When I stood on that brand new field at DePaul in August of 1987, I thought I was going to be a college coach for the rest of my career, and I thought I was going to do very, very well. It didn't work out that way. Two and a half years later I was out of coaching. My first career dream had failed.

As I stood on Wish Field on Friday night, the memories poured over me. Was I still the same person I was twenty years ago? Was I still passionate about working with individuals and groups to achieve their desired outcomes? Was I happy with the twenty years that had happened from the first day I was on that field until last Friday night? Was I excited about the next twenty years and the impact I could potentially make on the world?

In the end, I answered yes to all those questions. In working with Toyota, I learned an awesome quote, "The path to the future is lit by the knowledge of the past." It's so true. I can see the future clearly now, but those days at DePaul and all the years since then have helped to mold me.

Go back to your past in order to enhance your future.